Are you tired of the same Old Testament Study?

Do you hanker for more? Try the Apocrypha. I read it in the Harper Collins Study Bible (New Revised Standard Version). How much time do I spend on Apocryphal study? Not that much, but I hate to plead ignorance if somebody wants to discuss the Tobit.

Tobit: Do you have a hankering for historical fiction set in the time between the Old and New Testaments with a supernatural aspect and a side of moral preaching? Look no further than Tobit.

Judith: Still interested in historical fiction, but with a female protagonist who chops off a guy’s head, and a plot and characters symbolizing Judah and its enemies? Judith is your book.

Esther: Are you disappointed because Esther is just too short? Did you know that there is more? Here are six more chapters worth of material.

Wisdom: Are you the kind of person that can’t get enough of Proverbs and Ecclesiastes, and you want another book full of pithy little sayings that teach wisdom? The Book of Wisdom is there for you.

Sirach: STILL not enough pithy little sayings? Sirach is the Stephen Covey of the Old Testament. Not doctrine, but written by a famous believer.

Baruch: Ever felt that you just wanted a little more Jeremiah? Well, it’s not exactly Jeremiah, but Baruch really, really likes Jeremiah.

Letter of Jeremiah: Ever felt that you just wanted a little more Jeremiah? Well, this one actually is a little more Jeremiah.

Prayer of Azariah and Song of the Three Holy Children: Have you ever read Daniel chapter 3 and thought, “What if this chapter was 68 verses longer?” Read it to find out.

Susanna: Did you ever get to the end of the Book of Daniel and think, “This could have used more nudity and talk of sex.” Susanna is the missing chapter from Daniel that you have been looking for.

Bel and the Dragon: Did you ever feel like your life was missing a good mystery story involving Daniel? Did you ever think that the story of Daniel in the lion’s den was really missing something? These two stories, “Bel” and “The Dragon”, have got you covered.

1 and 2 Esdras: Did you read Ezra and think, “Man, I really wanted to read more lists of all the names of the people who came to Jerusalem from Babylon, and the names of their ancestors, and what jobs their ancestors had, and the names of the cities and towns they came from, and the names of the villages and towns they settled in around Jerusalem, and EXACTLY how much gold and silver they brought with them.” Esdras has all that and more! Gird your loins for discussions about wine, women, and the king! (It’s the truth!) Also ancient international politics.

Prayer of Manasseh: You probably were always wondering about that one prayer mentioned briefly in a single verse in Chronicles where a king named Manasseh prayed after getting captured. No? Oh, I thought everyone obsessed over things like that. Well here is that prayer! (Maybe)

 

 

Don’t be a Hypocrite!

 

Pope Benedict

I’ve long held the belief that Pope Benedict was forced into retirement in 2013 by the global elites in order to install their hand-picked protégé’, Pope Francis. In this age of conspiracy theories that turn out to be facts, it’s just one more.

 

When is a Prayer a Lecture?

Read Admiral Margaret Kibben (Retired) delivered the prayer on Friday night to open the Friday late-night session of the US House of Representatives. Kibben is a U.S. Presbyterian minister who is the chaplain of the United States House of Representatives.

Chaplain Kibben then went on to say this about the voting this week, “We asked (God) for your help in our deliberations and you answered us. But your answer was to allow us to suffer the anxiety, uncertainty, and aggravation that follows when we choose to allow healthy debate to evolve into contentious and unproductive arguments. And yet in your mercy, you transformed this foray of discord as an opportunity to find common ground.”

Another lecture from a DC elitist. What a travesty. She addressed the body with the deliberate intention to express a political agenda, not to give a neutral prayer in the hope God would bless the proceedings.

Some would say that it was kind of the elite admiral to pray on behalf of the members of Congress who objected to one-party rule…

 

A Prayer to St. Anthony

I was shocked to learn that Mike_C was not aware of the prayer candles available for Saint Anthony, patron saint of gain of function researchers. They are available on Amazon.com for about $30.00 each (with tax). The question about whether they smell like Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina is a fair one. Apparently, some of the vagina candles exploded…more here.

The Fauci candle may not explode, but will it give you the latest strain of plague? I can’t say one way or the other. I’m sure that Saint Anthony of Wuhan will vouch for you if you shuffle off this mortal coil from the plague while burning one of his candles.

I don’t blame you if you don’t want your house to smell like Paltrow’s part. I also don’t blame you if you don’t want your living room to smell like Fauci.

There are also Jeremy Clarkson candles that smell like “his balls”. That’s 23 quid to you plus shipping. So about the same price as a Fauci candle without the chance to reach heaven.

Will there be a line of Pedo Joe candles? I’m sure that they’d be big sellers at churches in his home town of Scranton where he says they love him. Would Pop Corn’s descendants buy them? If you’re reading this and you live there,  please ask and report back to the blog. As I recall, Creepy old Joe Brandon forgave Pop Corn like the saint he is.

More wares:

I don’t know if they’re sold as a set. 3 for $100.00? Does a portion go to gain of function bioweapons research, or to rebuild the Ukrainian Biolabs destroyed by the Russian invasion? It’s a question worth asking.

 

There are also AOC candles, but I will suggest to you that she’s not a virgin. I have no first-hand knowledge. It’s only a guess on my part.

also available at amazon.com

26 COMMENTS

  1. Patrons ask, you deliver…in spades. Being service oriented with a giving heart is very Biblical.

    Like FTX, there might be a run on “I AM…THE SCIENCE” GoF St. Fowch candles to light the way for adherents when the gas and power blink off from Save the Planet from itself Climate policies. Plus one can be pious at the same time, fully validating ones self-centeredness.

    It’s all in the merch.

  2. There is only One True Candle and straight is the way and narrow the orifice thru which to light it. Which is another way of saying St. Fouch can set fire to it and shove it all the way up there. I’m betting the twisted little doof would enjoy the process.

  3. There’s SO much I’m unaware of in addition to Fauci Candles. For example, the first thing that comes to my mind hearing “Tobit” is censored regression models. (No, not offensive or obscene!) A page from somewhere within UCLA explains the concept so much better than the Wikipedia page (which quickly becomes unreadable to me).

    https://stats.oarc.ucla.edu/r/dae/tobit-models/

    • There is little faith involved in tobit models. The censored regression (as with all mathematics) is clearly racist and as a result, I advise you to avoid them as you do the plague. The Vax is science, designed by Mr. Science, feel free to get vaxed and boosted until you die. The woke won’t mourn your passing but they might reprocess your mortal remains into a delicious protein drink. It’s how they think.

  4. I don’t care for candles of any kind (though I did have a friend make a candle that smells like a NASCAR race = I DO NOT RECOMEND PURCHASING ONE>) However, as for Gwyneth Paltrow’s candle, though I would not buy one, I would consider a ‘scratch and sniff’ addition to blog postings.

    • You could install the (well) used hatch to the head on a tuna schooner anywhere in your house in order to get the candle vibe.

  5. I read the apocrypha as an altar boy (not required).
    I have some Catholics in my Bible Study.
    We will not include these books in our study, by agreement.

    But you failed to mention the Book of Enoch, that the book of Jude alludes to.

  6. Wow, you came out swinging in this homily, right outta the gate! Nice. But I’m curious, why no Enoch in your apocryphal list? Farrer, I know I quote him endlessly but he knew his stuff, wasn’t shy.

    And great call to action/application. Go out and buy FAUCI CANDLES. That stench still lingers.

    • The list cited is the apocryphal works included in the Orthodox and Catholic Bibles.

      There is the Orthodox Bible and the Slavonic Orthodox Bible and they are not identical.

      I did not go into the vast volume of work found at the Nag Hammadi/Elephantine library, the Dead Sea Scrolls, and various and other sundry writings. Should I include Enoch and Jasher? Perhaps I should have but there will be other sermonettes, should I tarry on the Third Rock. I tried to confine myself to the Bibles of Rome and Athens/Turkey/Jerusalem.

      Then we get into the various translations…it can be a sticky wicket/

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