Movie Review: The Lone Ranger

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Normally I render my rating last. This time it comes first because the film was not good – not good at all:  

2 out of a possible 10 Don’t bother going.
(Wikipedia) In 1933 at a country fair in San Francisco, a young boy named Will encounters a seemingly ordinary mannequin that is revealed to be Tonto, an elderly Comanche spirit warrior, who proceeds to recount his experiences with lawyer John Reid. 
Shifting to 1869, Reid is returning home aboard a railway, managed by railroad tycoon Latham Cole, en route to Colby, Texas to visit his older brother and Texas Ranger, Dan Reid. Unbeknownst to John, the train is also carrying Tonto and outlaw Butch Cavendish, who is being transported for his hanging after being apprehended by Dan. Cavendish’s gang, however, hijacks the train, which derails soon after, resulting in Butch escaping and Tonto’s arrest by John and Dan. The elder Reid recruits John as a Texas Ranger and the two are enlisted to track down the Cavendish gang alongside a group of six other Rangers. A few days into their expedition, the group is ambushed in a canyon by Cavendish’s men who kill the Rangers, including Dan, who has his heart cut out by Butch himself. John is injured as well in the attack and dies, only to be found and revived by a white spirit horse (despite pleas from Tonto for “spirit horse to revive warrior brother” [Dan]). When Reid awakens he is informed by Tonto of his new status as a “spirit walker” or one who has been to the other side, Tonto also tells Reid that he cannot be killed in battle and then confirms that one of the Rangers betrayed Dan and is working alongside Butch Cavendish, a “wendigo“. Reid and Tonto hunt for Butch and his gang throughout the desert with a white horse, which is believed to be sacred by the Indians.
1. It’s a LONG movie and in lieu of a script and a genuine story, Disney replaced “action”. The best way to describe the script itself is “bland” and lacking in plot and depth.
2. Disney managed to replace every possible historical reference with revisionist history that left the film a blend of “progressive” history and outright stupidity.
3. I’d hoped to find a comedic rendition where Johnny Depp (Tonto) played an Indian version of Captain Jack Sparrow. Depp didn’t do a bad job, but the rest of the cast did, from Barry Pepper who played a version of General George Armstrong Custer and on down the line. 
4. In the film, the Lone Ranger decries firearms violence and refuses to shoot anyone despite the fact that the bad guy literally ate his brother’s heart. When actor William Fitchner (Butch Cavendish) cut out   the heart of Texas Ranger James Badge Dale (Dan) it appeared as though he was cutting “south of the border”. Only later did we learn that the body part eaten was a heart.
5. The film stopped short of being silly early on and continued being “STUPID” at every possible level.

12 thoughts on “Movie Review: The Lone Ranger

  1. Disney/Buena Vista seem unable to do anything with the most remote devotion to historical content.

  2. The bad guys consisted of the US Army, corporate owners and stockholders, miners and railroad men.

    The good guy refused to touch a firearm (in the old west while a Texas Ranger) and Depp simply played Depp.

  3. Socialists are determined to rule the world. Must demonize firearms and money.

  4. OTHER PEOPLE'S firearms and money. Socialists like to be rich and want to be surrounded by armed guards.

  5. Maybe its out there, but I haven't heard it – where is the uproar from the Native American community regarding Depp playing Tonto, and using face paint to hide his Anglo features? Oh wait…in 2002 Depp acknowledged that he would like to think he had Native American blood in his ancestry. Okay, good, that has to be at least 1/64th, or 1/128th…

  6. Johnny Depp is "progressive" and thus I think that he's qualified to play an Indian. The Pirates haven't complained about his role in the Disney feature films "Pirates of the Caribbean" yet. And pirates have not complained about the baseball team from Pittsburgh either.

  7. Its a must see! Maybe because I expected much less – but I may see it again before Redbox…

  8. I actually loved this movie. I've gone to see it 3 times in theaters and I will buy it the day it comes out. I have a HUGE crush on both Johnny Depp and William Fichtner, which may account for some of my obsession. I don't know, ever since I was little I have loved the west and Indians and whatnot. I thought this was a good movie. I noticed that it is not getting good reviews ANYWHERE, but I thought it was good. 🙂 that's my humble opinion, anyway.

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