Monday Mayhem

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Big Jim

Will you send former Director Comey soap-on-a-rope when he goes to the big house?
Ok, before all of you skeptics attack me for being a Polyanna, it could happen. Yeah, I know that maybe pigs will fly.
I’m simply testing the depth of your compassion. Would you send him soap-on-a-rope or would you send him slick soap that he’s sure to drop in the communal prison shower?
US Army to name new Attack Helicopter 

FORT RUCKER, Ala. — The U.S. Army will honor Elizabeth Warren and her Native American ancestry with the latest addition to its helicopter fleet, the AH-68 Warren, sources confirmed today. 
The Warren will join the Black Hawk, Kiowa, Apache, and Lakota in the Army’s impressive legacy of combat aircraft named after Native American tribes… more

Those Tricky Russians

I’ve often thought that the Russians were on the track by training svelte supermodels to trap GI’s into giving up the nation’s secrets. Sweathogs working as waitresses always made more sense to me.

MOSCOW – The Russian Federation intelligence “sparrow” school has launched a new program to train fat, tattooed women to seduce lower enlisted analysts, sources confirmed today. 
“For decades, we’ve trained elegant, sensual, intelligent women to lure high-level officers and diplomats into compromising ‘honeypot’ traps,” said Col. Vladimir Nutskoff. “As we tried to expand the program to send ballerinas and rocket scientists to seduce E-6 imagery analysts, we found that they couldn’t make eye contact with our agents. The system had to change.” 
SVR agent Natalia Korchova has been successfully working a source since she gained twenty-five pounds, had a dolphin tattooed on her ankle, and adopted a cover as part time nursing student at Cochise College who waitresses at Texas Roadhouse on Military Mondays, sources confirmed. 
In another successful recruitment, SVR agent Anya Egoranova, bought glasses and dyed a purple streak into her hair. She met her targets at The Android’s Dungeon Magic Lair, a Dungeons and Dragons meet-up and board games store near Fort Huachuca. At least four analysts are giving her classified documents, but none figured out how to kiss her.

20 thoughts on “Monday Mayhem

  1. Anonymous commenters are stupid and write autistic comments. You should never date one or you might throw up in your beer. anonymouscockwombles.com

  2. As to Comey, do not give him soap on a rope. He deserves a Bubbba. But, Comey might be better off in the Super Max. If he is in a general population prison — BOHICA!

  3. There are a couple “snitch prisons” that would be used for their class of criminal.

  4. Let us hope these politicians all choose the Japanese solution for expunging their sins. Would save a lot of tax dollars and grief.

  5. Button flies, beware spies!

    I spent a number of years working in DOD and DOE contractor facilities, with the requisite modern equivalents of those posters on the walls, and I swear, the stupidity of those actually made me want to spite the idiots who came up with posters in the first place. (I was a much younger and less appreciative of absurdity and stupidity then.)

  6. You’re on it Raven. They have no shame, and honor does not abide within them. If you’re capable of murdering a baby and laughing, there isn’t much far lower that you can drop.

  7. Thinking of any of these seditious scum in prison reminded me of an incident related to me by a friend who was a CO in a large confinement facility (prison, like spy, has negative connotations).
    She (the Russians would have sent her to the A school,for honeypot material) told me that suicides in prisons are more common than is generally known-bad PR.
    One morning she was posted on the upper tier when the cells were all opened. A prisoner ran out of his cell, dove over the handrail, attempted an Icarus with a length of rope made from ripped and twisted bedsheets tied around his neck and back to an anchor point in his cell.
    Unfortunately his plan for a clean neckbreak had a flaw.
    His bedsheet cum makeshift rope was too long and he survived the splat onto the dayroom floor.
    Maybe the old MCRD handbook on "How to…" should be required reading for seditious scum.

  8. If they’re in solitary in a Supermax, it’s difficult for them to end it, but it still happens there. Tear up clothing, stuff it in your mouth and suffocate

  9. The US is without peer in regards to SigInt and electronic spying but both the Russians and Chinese (and probably several other countries) can and routinely do beat the pants off of us in the Human Intel/spy vs spy game. And I suspect they get their moneys worth from their assets.

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