Happy Valentine’s Grey (Rule 5)

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Valentines Day is nearly my least favorite holiday (behind Kwanzaa and September 11, the day President Obama said we should use to honor community organizers). But this year, there is a Valentine’s Day feature film in the movie theaters that is porn/soft porn dedicated to what women say that they want. Yes, I’m writing of Fifty Shades of Grey. Based on a series of books by the same name.

As I understand the ratings, it’s what Hollywood is now calling a “hard R”.

I’ve always held the opinion that kinks are a private matter between consenting adults, so I am not judging — but a number of wives and girlfriends of friends of mine who read the books are looking forward to being wined, dined and 69’d along with whips and chains – constituting a form of foreplay blended with Cinderella.
Trailer and Review:
Whatever your preferential form of Valentine celebration turns out to be, I hope that it works. It used to be that candy was dandy, but liquor worked quicker. Now, things are much more complicated.

19 thoughts on “Happy Valentine’s Grey (Rule 5)

  1. I'll bet the chick in chains has a hell of a time reaching her subway fare. Then again, she can probably get some nice man to pay her share.

  2. No, I don't want to know. It would emotionally scar me….Barack and Biden (now famous for having a butt buddy) oiled and rolling around with all of the marital aids made famous in the above captioned movie — no.

  3. I was laboring under the misapprehension that the "gray" in Fifty Shades thereof related to the women's knitting-circle hair color… My bad.
    Now neither candy nor liquor will very much entice my wife – and very much NOT that described in the film.

  4. Men have been trying to figure out what it is that women want since Day One. If they want to be shackled up, spanked and blindfolded – ok. If not – ok. Men are easy. We just need a clue.

  5. You're supposed to guess. This is from Juliette Smith whose blog is on my sidebar. Since it's coming from a pretty lady in England, I chalk it up as timeless wisdom:

    Womens expectations will be too high and men will be wondering how much money they have to spend so you’re not an arsey bitch to them all day.

    It’s a no win situation:

    You send her a mixed bouquet. Translation: You couldn’t be arsed to fork out the cash for red roses and decided to buy her fillers instead.

    You send red roses. Translation: Nice but you could have thought outside the box and made an effort to be unique and specific to her desires.

    You send her chocolates. Translation. She’s on a diet and you know that. You’ve only done that so you can eat them and because they were on offer at Tesco. She also noticed that when she went shopping the other day.

    You send her all the above plus a slap up meal with champagne and a voucher for All Saints to get that frock she likes. Translation: You’re cheating on her.

    And cards…well….that’s a tricky one. If it’s funny and not romantic that means you don’t love her anymore. If it’s romantic then careful what you write because it will have to be poignant and heartfelt or she’ll just think you’re paying her lip service, which, as it happens is what she’s doing when she says, “Thank you darling, that’s lovely.”

  6. It's a nightmare of a day, Larry. I would hate to be a man trying to get it right today because it's impossible to get it right. As I said a move ( and thanks for the mention) It's a no win. You and I should be hitting the bars and seeing who we can manipulate and torment. Much more fun!

    As for fifty shades…well…I shall not be going to see this film and nor shall I ever be manacled in some blokes dungeon unless it's full of his prime wine collection and I've chained myself down there by choice!

  7. He did out himself and his "butt buddy" with a lot of pride. Add Barack for the threesome and you have something that most people scrape off the bottom of their shoes.

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