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a younger version of me, getting ready to explain it to the heathen nations
I thought that today’s Sunday Sermonette would come by way of advice and confession.

ADVICE – Five things that I tell my children (they’re grown but I still tell them):
  • The only thing that you can change is yourself. Start there.
  • Sometimes not getting what you want is a stroke of luck. 
  • A friend has your back when you are at your lowest, not at your best. Learn to tell the difference between a friend and somebody that you enjoy spending time with.
  • Don’t be afraid of being different. Enjoy it.
  • Find your passion and be passionate about pursuing it.
I tell them other things – I’m a dad. But I try to focus on the basics in the hope that the rest will work itself out. It usually does. Lately I’ve been quoting the late Steve Jobs:

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” 

CONFESSION – Five things I did as a kid that I was caught doing (not a comprehensive list)

Keep in mind that I grew up in the country…

  • Kept honeybees in my bedroom. About a hundred. The parental reaction was not amusement at what junior decided to do.
  • Cousin gave me 3 artillery simulators. I put one on the window of my church while it was in service and set it off. One of the choir ladies on the stand loosed her bladder.  I was the only one who was amused.
  • Found a king snake that looked similar to a coral snake. Took it to school in a paper bag to show and tell and to describe the difference. Turns out it was a coral snake. Oooops. Teacher not amused. 
  • Found an injured coyote pup, took it home, named him Dusty. Dusty ravaged chicken coops far and wide, brought many chickens home and laid them on the porch as a sign of tribute to the pack leader. Neighbors not amused. 
  • Kid harassed me at school with his squirt gun. I bought concentrated ammonia at the hardware store, put it in a dishwashing soap bottle and took it to school. Kid squirted me after I advised him not to. I let him have it with ammonia. A bit overkill… began to dissolve his clothes, burned his skin. Principal not amused. Other kids very amused, became a local cult hero for about two weeks. Time in detention only enhanced my reputation with the girls, who I discovered, love a ‘bad boy’.
    • And I’m not going to discuss experimentation to find out how high up you can drop a cat from and have it still land on its feet…
Sailor’s Corner (a new feature in the Sermonette)
“They that go down to the sea in ships, that do business in great waters; These see the works of the Lord, and his wonders in the deep.” — Psalms 107:23-24

This may also apply to Naval Infantry (Marines)(Bullet Sponges) who ride on ships. One of the best things that I did in my military career was to go ashore before the Marines and make sure that the beaches were safe for them to land on. The Marines never had a genuine appreciation for all that the Navy does for them.
It definitely does NOT apply to the US Coast Guard (Puddle Pirates) because they don’t sail in “great waters”, or usually leave sight of land.

19 thoughts on “Fives

  1. Oh, so now you want me to confess to MORE than five things. I wasn't caught using the other two artillery simulators. Unfortunately a(nother) heathen who wasn't attending church observed me outside of the building placing the charge and ratted me out on that one. The other two were used thusly — keeping in mind that I was young and not wicked and old as I am now:
    * Police Headquarters (Denver) at midnight. The first was local and I learned from that. Additionally I had a local reputation and had to distance myself from that.
    * Soldier of Fortune Magazine Convention (Denver). I know, it was wasted there because there was no shock value.

  2. Say three Hail Mary's . . . and enjoy the rest of your day! 🙂 Well done sir, well done . . . 🙂

  3. LOL… I so want to say: "Hey there Stud, thank you for your service!" But everyone will take it the wrong way…

  4. It would terrify poor Justin and his effeminate male and butched up female parasitic minions. They'd think that there are actually avenging angels – and there would go their dreams of atheism.

  5. Great advice! And if I believed in women becoming priests, I would do so just so I could hear stories like this in the confessional box. 🙂 Only I could never keep a straight face, I'm sure, so I'd be terrible at my job.
    I suppose I'll just read your blog. There. Problem solved.

  6. I think that it's more interesting to hear what others confess than to make those confessions yourself.

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