Let me delve into the granularity of your defeat:
- If you buy chocolate, you want her to get fat. If you don’t buy chocolate, you think she’s fat.
- If you buy her sexy lingerie and it doesn’t quite fit, you really think that she’s fat.
- Fragrance is much the same. Buying it for her indicates that she doesn’t smell sweet without it. Failure to buy it means that you’re an unthinking brute who is not in touch with a woman’s needs.
|Amalfi Coast, Italy|
Oh, you can try to turn her head with lotions, potions, floral arrangements, lavish gifts, cards with tokens of love and gift cards inside. You can offer furs and gems, an original Fabergé egg, a condo overlooking the Italian Amalfi Coast and a Bugatti to drive the winding roads. You can try and get reservations at the most chic restaurant in the region (pick a region) overlooking an incomparable view as she orders from the limited holiday menu (thrice the price) that would make Donald J. Trump choke.
You can fly her there across five national borders in a private jet, while she sips from a flute of Armand de Brignac Brut Rose Champagne, with a fresh strawberry dropped in it. But even if you succeed in doing all this, I predict that you will overlook some small thing…the ring is a pink diamond where she prefers clear, the Fabergé egg is priceless, but there is another egg somewhere out there that she prefers to the one you were able to snatch for her. She prefers raspberries to the strawberry at the bottom of her champagne flute.
She won’t come out and complain. There will be the arch of an eyebrow, the slightest pout of her lips, and you’ll know that you’re doomed.
Have a happy day…or not.
Meanwhile, half way around the world in Pakistan, we receive this report:
The Islamabad High Court (IHC) on 13 February prohibited the celebration of Valentine’s Day in public spaces and government offices across the country ‘with immediate effect.’
Print and electronic media have also been warned to “stop all Valentine’s Day promotions immediately,” while the Pakistan Electronic Media Regulatory Authority (PEMRA) has been ordered to monitor all media and send out notifications banning any related promotions.
A devout Muslim brought the lawsuit that asserted that Valentine’s Day is un-Islamic. The court agreed and added that the celebration was a Western import.
Bakeries, flower vendors and confectioners supposedly were forced to dismantle their sales displays.