Solstice Sermonette

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Tomorrow, begins the witch holiday (December 21-23) of the Winter Solstice. I don’t anticipate that my attempt at a sermonette will in any way offset the orgies or the conspicuous consumption of witches on this, their holy day. If you’ve been putting off shopping for your solstice supplies, you’re too late. It’s upon us.

As I understand it, the best places to buy solstice supplies are located in Austin, TX and Berkeley, CA because the concentration of witches coincides with the population of hippies. You can also buy supplies in Santa Barbara/Montecito, CA where the rich witch population (mostly Hollywood luminaries) are concentrated. It’s also the home of Oprah and Al Gore. It would seem to me that there must be a ton of witch supply stores in Washington DC because of the need to supply the Congressional delegations with stuff they need. Maybe they buy their cauldrons, eye of newt, tongue of toad, etc. on-line? Since I don’t move in the diplomatic community’s witch circles, it’s difficult for me to predict where they do their last minute shopping.

Because I’m not a witch, I’m sure that witches will take issue with my commentary. Too bad.

The winter solstice is the longest night of the year, the night that Witches honor the darkness and the Great horned God (or the Devil, which is what we who are not witches, call him) who rules the dark half of the year. Yule is often celebrated just before dawn and the rising sun is watched and celebrated to end the rite. In Berkeley and Austin there is also conspicuous use of LSD. Among “Earth Hippies/Witches” peyote or Jimson Weed is substituted – different strokes, I guess. Single malt scotch isn’t good enough for them.

There are a lot of witches in Great Britain. It makes sense since that is the literary home of Harry Potter (wizard). I ran into some of them rutting in the woods when I was a serving officer in the US Military, assigned there. At first I thought that something had gone horribly wrong because they were covered in blood (turned out to be chicken blood). No, they were simply worshiping. Since I was just an invited guest in their country, I stood by while the SAS blokes I was with kicked a little ass and sent them on their way. I broke out my entrenching tool (shovel to you non-military types) and gave the unfortunate chickens a decent burial.

If your neighbors have these on their “Holiday Tree”, they
are members of the local witch coven.

A witch told me that it’s also acceptable to dance under the stars in military BDU’s (because it makes you look like a tree). If you loan your BDU’s to a witch for the night, make sure to disinfect in addition to standard washing.

In witch culture, the mistletoe and holly have sexual significance, which is not all that strange because everything in witchcraft has sexual significance. Mistletoe has white berries which represent the divine semen of the Gods, while holly has red berries which represent the sacred menstrual blood of the Goddesses. Witches claim that the custom of kissing under the mistletoe is just a shadow of a memory that harkens back to the times of sexual orgies that accompanied the rites of the Oak God, that witches commemorate today. Sometimes they burn a wooden man at midnight for solstice.

Naked Witches at Burning Man

I know that you’re asking yourself where the witches in America congregate during the summer solstice. They go to Burning Man, a week-long event held at Black Rock, Nevada. It’s an extension of the wicker men that were burned by Celtic neopagans and witches, usually accompanied by a human sacrifice. Today they don’t sacrifice humans in Nevada — that I know of. 

Whether you celebrate by covering yourself in chicken blood and having unprotected sexual intercourse with total strangers at midnight… 


If you’re not a witch, it’s just another day to get ready for Christmas, and Kwanzaa (the voodoo holiday). Don’t forget that it’s right smack dab in the middle of the ‘eight crazy nights’ of your Hanukkah (Dec 16-24) celebration this year.

If you wish to share cherished memories of solstice celebrations past, you can do it here and I won’t delete them.

I’ll start –

December 21 sux because it the darkest day of the year and the shopping malls are crowded to the point of insanity. The shelves are picked over and I hate myself for waiting this long to go shopping. 

However, tonight, I’m going to the California High School Open Division Championship Football game. It’s the Husky’s of Centennial HS in Corona, CA vs the Spartans of De La Salle Concord, CA. Naturally, I’m hoping for a Husky victory since I have family playing #98.  De La Salle has a famous HS football team and there is a movie in the theaters about them. Rich kids of La Salle against the poor kids of Centennial. 

Are there witches in the San Francisco Bay Area city of Concord? Does a bear crap in the woods?  Does Obama golf? San Francisco witches — legions of them. It may give De La Salle an advantage. This is what the odds-makers (naturally witches) are predicting by reading tea leaves and snake entrails:  De La Salle 35, Centennial 17

We shall see. Playing against Satan’s imps on Satan’s day (if you ask a witch, if you ask anyone else, it’s just a busy shopping day and it gets dark early).

17 thoughts on “Solstice Sermonette

  1. Nice post, especially enjoyed the Burning Man pic.

    And it's all fun and games until you wake up in a wicker cage. And it's on fire.

  2. You certainly gain an added appreciation for the fine details of witchcraft if they put you in that position.

  3. I looked at your site – it appears as though it was hacked, but the text all looks ok.

    Don't know what is going on? Witchcraft?

  4. Witches love "liturgical dance", interestingly. So does Austin.

    Can we draw a simple conclusion from this?

  5. Make sure all the players line their helmets with aluminum foil before the big game. I hear it wards off those pesky witches and their trickery. Meanwhile, I'm going to GSR for the night get my head on straight … or maybe not.

  6. DeSalle always wins because East-Bay Nouveau Riche must show-off or die.
    But humble Folsom beat Oceanside 68-7 for State Championship – are there witches in the Gold Country?
    I gained fine details of witchcraft with a magnifying glass, but memories of sand in the crotch are only conducive to Burning Mannerisms…

  7. Folsom has had an outstanding year in their division. I don't know that they could have beat DLS or Centennial, but they were exceptionally strong this year.

    DLS was behind in the first half against Centennial. The first time that happened this season.

  8. WoFat, you're not in the Big Easy anymore. You're living in the Bible belt and could be struck dead by one of those snakes that they toss around in Church.

  9. I follow it because of my daughter's brother-in-law, who plays on the Centennial Huskys (senior this year) and leads the nation in high school quarterback sacks.

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