Random Thoughts

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I followed this general strategy and it worked. Four daughters later, each found somebody eventually who was brave enough (or stupid enough) to marry into the family.

This t-shirt appeals to me – but only if it’s real blood. 
Fake blood is just wrong somehow isn’t it?


I don’t like to pretend that they’re dead. It takes all the fun out of it, unless they really are dead. Then you spray Round-Up on the grass at the gravesite as a ‘gesture’.

The sun is always over the yard arm somewhere on the planet. If you need an excuse, that one will work.
Have you ever noticed how infrequently fat people are kidnapped?  A former colleague called me the other day and expressed concern that they were a possible kidnap target. My strategy: Gain a few hundred pounds and you’ll have no worries. I’m simply here to help.

11 thoughts on “Random Thoughts

  1. Haha. I loved the last one.
    It actually helps being fat enough. They'd dare not try lifting you off the ground. 😀

  2. To avoid kidnappings, I drive a shitty car, dress in old clothes, and don't buy my kids expensive stuff…and to prevent burglaries, I have a small TV, and no game console…

  3. If you don't fit through a door or they can't hoist you into the back of a van, it makes kidnapping impractical.

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