I’m responding (sort of) to a blog post by Juliette
, who reads some of my stuff here from time to time and comments. On her blog, she recounts how a stranger sent a bottle of wine to a table where she was seated with another lady. (Juliette is very pretty – don’t blush Jules – and lives in England) This led me to respond on her blog, and I thought that I’d share some fun bar behavior for the benefit of both men and ladies who drift by Virtual Mirage.
#1 I’m not a club sort of guy. Yes, I go to Las Vegas, but no, I don’t gamble. I go to restaurants and shows and stay in the five star hotels, which are reasonably priced. Most of them don’t have gambling (Trump, Four Seasons, Wynn). I can never be accused of being “Mr. Vegas”.
#2 I can be boring from the perspective of a “party animal” because I will definitely not be the guy doing the naked tap dance on the table with a lamp shade on his head. Thus I don’t go out and hit clubs very often. If I do, it’s usually because old friends from the SEAL Teams or other ex-something-somethings are in town and I want to show them a good time.
#3 I find clubs a bit boring, therefore to make them more interesting I play what I call, “club games”. There are a LOT of games going on in clubs – just go to one. I make it a point never to take home a person that I meet in a club because if they go home with me, an aging, white haired guy, they will go home with anyone – and will catch the diseases that anyone has.
#4 The usual philosophy of many guys is “avoid disappointment”, go ugly early. That is taken to mean that should you wish to go home with a lady, you’re better off finding somebody with impossibly low self esteem early in the evening. The underpinning logic is that you don’t have to spend a lot of money wooing them and it’s likely that they won’t be gaming you the way a person with high self esteem might. I fit in to the high self esteem crowd because I’m comfortable in my skin. Yes, I do play my little club games. Mostly harmless.
Women play club games too, but since guys are really stupid, their games are not as fun – and sometimes are a bit cruel. Women are very frustrated when you don’t respond to their games, and turn and stalk more appropriate and vulnerable prey.
This list of my guy club games and the list is not comprehensive:
* ATM Game – I have a rich friend who has a TON of money in the bank. Often to exceed US$3 million. He has it accessible in an ATM. I have him save his ATM receipts. If you are going to give somebody your phone number (and always give a fake one that belongs to somebody you don’t like who is married to a suspicious woman), you give it out on the ATM receipt. This is accomplished by fumbling in your wallet for a business card, and in the absence of one of those, pulling out an ATM receipt and writing down the number. The more shallow the woman, the more crazed she will be when the number is wrong, and the more ticked off the enemy will be – it’s two for one.
* Champagne Game – I prefer Dom Perignon, or a Shramsberg Reserve for this particular game. The booze must be expensive and I have to be really bored to do this, but I do. Send the bottle to a table with several women there, from “anonymous”. If you pop for the Dom, the place will have some sort of card for the note. Dive bars don’t stock Dom.
There are curious reactions from the women, and you need to be seated close enough to listen to them. The most narcissistic woman at the table will be certain that it’s intended for her. It’s common for about 20% to believe that they’re being stalked and they opine that the champagne is drugged. Another 20% will eventually stand up, leave the table and chat up attractive guys in the hopes that HE is the guy who sent the champagne.
If I’m in a wickedly cheap mood, I’ll have one of those rose peddlers that frequents bars send a single rose to a table with several women seated there with no instruction as to who it’s for. The seller (nice tip required) doesn’t recall specifically who the rose is intended for…
* Playing Doctor – I hate to share this but it works and I there are guys who I know who’ve stood off and witnessed this. On one occasion, after doing this, when walking into work, everybody got on the ground and “worshiped”. So it’s not exactly a secret operation.
I’m in my 50’s, usually very serious demeanor, usually dress well. I’ve been approached in clubs by women who have asked what I do for a living. If I’m not in the mood to play games, I tell them that I work for a company that makes chalk. (the reaction is priceless – they simply look at me as if I’m crazy and walk away) — or if I’m more playful, I explain that I’m a plastic surgeon visiting town on a medical convention. Because it’s reasonable to believe that I could be a plastic surgeon, it begins a dialog. Literally 50% of the women who hear the line AND have been drinking, arrange to show me “the girls” and ask me (a) my opinion of the work they had done; (b) my opinion of what work could be done. I never offer medical advice, but I do always provide VERY POSITIVE feedback and make them feel good about themselves.
In the most famous event of this little club game, I fired off the line in a restaurant near a river. The guy seated next to me (not a plastic surgeon either) was quick on the uptake and said that he was one too. Both from out of town, which wasn’t a lie. He owns a large oil company – richer than a plastic surgeon. There were guys from work present in the restaurant (witnesses) who didn’t know that I was bored and playing doctor. After I ate, I wandered down by the river where there was a dock. I sat off by myself, enjoying the warm summer night. The word got out that I was a plastic surgeon. Well over a dozen women walked up to me at my table, bared their breasts and asked for an opinion. The guys from work had no idea what had happened (they sat at a stag table that attracted no female interest), but they were all eyes.
Maybe I will share more of these little club games later.