Somebody needs to call Robert S. Mueller III. During the Obama years, there was a number you could call at the White House and denounce people. It was admittedly easier and far more institutional. I denounced a number of people including myself. (I was highly offended that nobody had denounced me to Obama, so took the bit between my teeth and did it.)
I know, “get to the point, LL”. I’m getting there.
Yesterday, I inadvertently put Russian dressing on a salad, not realizing at the time the national security risk it posed. What if everyone did that? It would be a crisis easily as large as global warming. I’m sure that the FBI will have added to the (extensive) file on me for that one. To make things worse, there were only white and Asian people in the restaurant when I did it. The only two groups who don’t matter. How racially insensitive is that? I wasn’t going to mention it, but a Mexican did bus the dishes. Likely an illegal alien. I left my ICE hat out in the car. Another blown opportunity.
Italian dressing is out because Italians are white Europeans, and even though they brought the world pizza, and Columbus discovered the New World, they are not politically correct. If you’re Italian and you’re offended by my statement, you’re white, nobody cares. I think that if I stick to organic Green Goddess dressing, I might be numbered among the chosen.
Back in the days of the USSR when they were “the enemy”, the progressive left loved them. When the Russians put the failed communist system aside, abandoned atheism and re-established themselves as a Christian nation, all the love vanished. However, there is no such thing as USSR dressing, far as I know. In fact, I think that it was all boiled potatoes and boiled cabbage on weekends back in those days when they were starving, happy Bolsheviks. Borsht and course black bread was for the apparatchiki. No salad.
"The Starving, Happy Bolsheviks:" that was the name of my band back in high school.
And putting Russian dressing on a salad these days is akin to:
a. calling someone a retard.
b. smoking tobacco instead of marijuana
c. holding a door open or pulling a chair out for a woman
d. saying that you like Donald Trump out loud
Think of it as Thousand Island, LL – that sounds all diverse and inclusive.
I'm partial to the Guam brand dressing. Just be careful the bottle doesn't capsize.
Fredd, I'm guilty of all five offences, and I'm proud.
LL, as an Italian, I hereby request and require that you wash down that salad with some culturally appropriated 2016 Barolo.
I know, no more Russian dressing or behaving in the way you outline, for me.
Kle – I know, it's like George HW Bush's thousand points of light…so global, so hopeful, so inclusive.
RHT447 – Rep. Hank Johnson (D-GA) is one of those people who reassures me that no matter how f-ing stupid you are, you can still serve an entire lifetime in Congress.
Claudio, that's sound advice and a proper pairing.
According to my DNA, my ancestry is mostly Britain(English, Scot, Welsh), Irish, French, and German in pretty much that order. Bow to me and my white privilege!
For those thought police reading this blog and making notes, I don't give a flying ____.
(muttering and writing in a notebook) That's one more person to denounce to Pelosi.
Along these lines, a question.
Do we then have to declare barbecue sauce racist? Just wondering
Anything bar-b-qued is a sign of white patriarchal privilege. Eating pork offends Muslims and eating delicious smoked bacon is even worse. I realize that some of the best BBQ I've had was cooked by black people, but they are likely race traitors. Stick to Green Goddess or Thousand Island poured over vegetables.
"When the Russians put the failed communist system aside, abandoned atheism and re-established themselves as a Christian nation, all the love vanished."
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