Animal Flesh

Blog Post
In order to be spiritually pure you must eat meat. This Sunday Sermonette draws its inspiration from that simple truth.
Old wives’ tales suggest that if you beat your meat, you’ll end up going crazy. When you were a kid, those same old wives told you that eating spinach from a can would make you strong – but when you ate that tepid, slimy, metallic tasting, spinach, fresh from the can what did you do? That’s right, you yak’ed it back up. They LIED to you. Popeye cartoons were simply one additional element to the propaganda. Think about it, when Popeye ate spinach, he won the love of a homely, knock kneed, woman with no rack – Olive Oil. Who wants that?
When I’m at the compound in Hillsboro Texas – located near the church – LSP always bar-b-cues a thick, juicy steak. When he grows weary of steak, he cooks hamburgers and he’s an authentic parson. (see photo, left)
Some people turn from being carnivorous to vegan not because they love animals but because they hate plants. I can understand that.
Would a hamburger be as good without tomato and onion on it?  No.  And the bun has to be made from genuine bread made from wheat and EGGS. (No substitute eggs in my bread, please.) Plants have a place on the table as well.

25 thoughts on “Animal Flesh

  1. Too funny. Slapping that coconut out of her hands was wonderful except he should have slapped her face.

    I remember when my dim bulb niece decided to be a vegetarian. Every time I make bacon I think back to her standing at the stove making "fakon bacon" and all I could think was meat eaters don't eat fake broccoli.

    One night we went to a Mexican restaurant and she asked the Mexican waiter if the tortillas were cooked in lard. The look on his face was epic.

  2. "They LIED to you. … Think about it, when Popeye ate spinach, he won the love of a homely, knock kneed, woman with no rack – Olive Oil. Who wants that?"

    Yer killin' me with this one! You must have had a really good day on the trail yesterday.

  3. Like the trash a vegan plant killer flick.
    Seriously, don't be diss'n Olive Oil, there are a lot of us homely, knock kneed, no rack gals out here taken care of spinach eaters, and we have guns…

  4. Not so fast, there, Kimosabe.

    Your say the good pastor slaps steaks on the barbeque….hold it right there. What kind of steaks?

    The answer reveals a mirror into the soul. What kind of steak you order says a lot about the inner man. Yes, man. Women don't like steak. Everybody knows it, and if they object, they are simply trying to look brave, they don't mean it.

    Filet mignon – if you order one of these to slap on a barbeque, I will slug you in the face. But hey, that's just me. The only way to eat filet mignon is to order it at Ruth's Criss or Morton's. Not barbeque material.

    Top sirloin – a man's choice. Tasty, but you have to have teeth to chew it properly. Not filet mignon (remember the slugging in the face thing). And nobody, and I mean nobody should EVER trim the fat off of a top sirloin. You must eat the whole thing, fat and all. It's a Texas state law, I think.

    Ribeye – If top sirloin is not available, then this cut is acceptable. And again, no trimming of the fat. Not allowed.

    New York strip: not recommended, it is simply a top sirloin with the fat trimmed off it, and that is unacceptable (see above about this)

    T-bone and Porterhouse – anything with a bone in it is acceptable, but only if you gnaw on the bone using your fingers after you are done. It's a caveman thing, men can't help it. And one more reason women don't like steak.

    I may actually do a post on this topic, I think Americans are cowards for avoiding this delicate and devisive topic (to use Eric Holder's words).

  5. Fredd,
    Hold up there Bucko, real women eat T-Bone steak (rare), and the really good ones give the strip to the man and they eat the filet. And share the bone.

  6. Brighid: are you just trying to look brave? RARE??!! With a …(shudder)…BONE in it? Hmmmm….

  7. Fredd, Brave has nothing to do with it, but Yes RARE, it's the only way to do justice to a steak.
    And I fed raw hamburger to my kids when they were little… granted it was hamburger from our steers, so I knew what was in it.

  8. That was a very excellent post. And I love steak, a lot. Good rundown, Fredd. Personally, and this is just me, I think the iron skillet/oven method is King.

    Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying Obama is a king or anything.

  9. I was in Arizona yesterday. The world was in balance. I'm up in the San Juans now.

  10. The Padre bbq'd up ribeyes. Though it's the king of steaks, I like T-bone particularly because I like to gnaw the bone. And if people complain too loudly, the t-bone itself makes a useful push-dagger.

  11. Brig is a cowgirl of the first water and is braver than I am – since I do prefer the steak cooked medium. Some people say that cooking past medium rare destroys the taste. I disagree.

  12. You're not going to want to drink water. Fish crap in water. Something a bit more refined and distilled is usually called for.

  13. I keep pushing LSP to start his own cooking channel on YouTube "Cooking with LSP"…

  14. LOL… GOMC, you aren't going to forget about the Aston Maduro & the scotch are you…

  15. Ruth Chris steak houses use something like the iron skillet/oven to do their steaks, but but their oven is like a pizza oven on steroids. And they serve those units sizzling at your table, I love that.

  16. Top sirloin is jerky meat, as is round steak. A good t-bone, porterhouse or ribeye goes on the BBQ, IMHO.
    And what vegans forget, in their cries of 'animals have feelings' is so do plants! It has been scientifically proven they do.
    I had more to say, but need to go thaw some steaks for dinner…

  17. I agree. Medium is perfection. I think it maximizes the complexity of the flavor. But half the time I can't get it that way. I ordered a yellow-fin tuna steak medium-well in Williamsburg last week, and the chef refused. He gave it to me medium-rare. Apparently it insults the dignity of the tuna less when I'm forced to bring it back to the hotel and nuke it in the microwave.

  18. I ordered a tuna steak medium-well at a very exclusive restaurant and the chef refused. I told the server to tell the chef to cook it the way he saw fit. It came back pink in the middle and served with a delicious aioli sauce. The chef was right. It was the best tuna I've ever eaten.

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