The Bench

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Who is your favorite prog?

Sen. (Crying) Chuck Schumer D-NY – Would like to be president, but in the past has lacked the capacity to excite anyone about anything.
former Vice Pres. (Groping) Joe Biden – Feels that it’s his time to be president. Has no plan or platform other than to tell people that he’s not President Trump. 
Rep. Nancy (Nasty) Pelosi D-CA – She’s rich, and she’s connected, but sadly the march of years and the cruel hand of father time has not been kind to her. On the stump her painful senility would become manifest, not that it matters to the hard core left.
Oprah – She has name recognition and is a friend of Barack and Michelle Obama. She likes to give away stuff to people and could self-finance a campaign. She’s a self-made person who did it against huge opposition. You have to hand her that. 
Sen. Bernie (Feel the Burn) Sanders D-VT – Hillary stole the nomination for him and four years later in 2020 at age approaching 100, he still feels relevant. He’s an old communist and friend of Russia, but that doesn’t seem to matter to progressives. His upcoming campaign will be “free stuff to everyone who votes for me”.
Sen. Corey Booker D-NJ – His platform is that he’s angry and he’s blacker than Barack. A vote for Corey would be a vote for social justice.
former SecState John (Woodenhead) Kerry – Yes, it’s true that he lost 13 years ago to George W. Bush in the run for the presidency, but Kerry, the catsup heir-in-law, wants to sit in the big chair. Sure, he was a species of traitor during the Vietnam War years, but if you can forgive Hanoi Jane Fonda, you should be able to forgive Old Woodenhead.
Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand D-NY – She may be an outlier, but she’s a woman and feels that’s about all the credentials that she needs. She’s willing to compromise herself and anything else to fulfill her ambitions, much like Hillary Clinton, her role model.
Sen. Elizabeth (Pocahantus) Warren D-MA – She no longer claims to be an Indian, but feels that some lies are ok, since that one landed her a job that paid $310,000 a year at Harvard for teaching one class as the universities only indigenous professor… She also loathes President Trump for mocking her mercilessly.

19 thoughts on “The Bench

  1. Term Limited Gov. Wishywashy (aka Hickenlooper) Dem CO. Is adept at brewing beer and dithering. Has no discernible principals. The perfect (P)regressive.

  2. How about Tammy Duckworth … Female, From Illinois, retired LtCol, amputee from the war, and by that time a new (old) mother. I don't know anything about her politics, but she has all of the squares filled.

  3. Oops just saw that Tammy was born in Thailand…oh well, guess she'll just have to get a certified birth certificate from Hawaii.

  4. Hickenlooper for President? But he's white and a male…not very progressive. No Democrat has principles. He needs to display a craven disregard for law and for anything good or precious. That might help him overcome the unfortunate circumstances of his birth.

  5. She's Asian (which is not all that progressive), but she is a woman. Better if she was black and wore different colored cowboy hats all the time – or had a gimmick like that.

  6. More of their stripe may emerge from under rocks to serve the grievance based party faithful. Buy the good kind of popcorn.

  7. That's a tough one, LL. Cryin' Chuck, Nasty, Groper, Comrade Bernie, Pochahontas, Oprah, Woodehead and on. So many choices.

    How about Michelle and, wait for it… Jeb!

  8. Kamala Harris, by all odds.
    Female; Claims all major ethnic groups (Caucasian, Hispanic, Black).

    Mean as a snake and, unlike all the others, smart, rational (not delusional, has emotional balance.

    "Mean as a snake" doesn't even come close. Prime target for an eventual impeachment which, if memory serves, has never happened to a Democrat president.

  9. Somebody has to come after President Trump. There aren't any in the Democrat line up that would qualify as even mainstream. They're all radicals with axes to grind and no interest in making America great.

  10. Right. Michelle and Jeb! Black and white, yin and yang. Of course Jeb! might not have the energy to get out of the club chair and run. Issue.

  11. Old salt and pepper! It could be a winner for the Dems. OR President Trump could pardon Weiner and he could run as Michelle's VP. A bit more dynamic than sloth-like, low energy Jeb!

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