FAQ – Police Work

Blog Post
Police work 101 – answers to questions you may have wished to ask – from a law enforcement perspective.
  • Even though you say differently, you probably don’t know your rights.
  • If you leave your teenager in charge of the house while you go away for the weekend, he or she will probably do something you forbade them to do. If they decide to host a beer party, your house will be wrecked.
  • You can’t talk your way out of a traffic citation. You can talk yourself into one.
  • Of course it went off. What did you expect would happen when you pulled the trigger?
  • The electronics in your radar or laser detector work no faster than those in my radar or LIDAR gun. By the time the little red light goes on, I already have your speed.
  • We know you had more than two beers.
  • Arguing with the officer in the field will not go well for you. Arguments are for courtrooms, where you can make any statements and ask the officer any questions that you want to. In the field the officer wins the arguments.
  • Nobody cares how many FOP, State Sheriffs Association or 11-99 Foundation stickers you buy for your car. If you deserve the ticket, you’re getting it.

  • Yes, you do pay my salary. Today’s obligation can be calculated by the following formula: (Amount you pay annually in state, county, or city taxes/365) x (Fraction of budget allocated for law enforcement))/(Number of employees in my organization) I’d be happy to give you a refund. Do you have change for a penny?
  • Most able-bodied people really can do those tests while sober.
  • You are not the first person to see a cop and say “Take him, he did it,” “I didn’t do it,” or to tell your kid, “If you don’t behave, that cop will put you in jail.” You probably aren’t even the first one to say that today. You have, however, caused the officer to mentally label you as a moron.

  • The officer’s handgun isn’t to protect you. It is to protect the officer.
  • Your substance abuse problem is your business until it spills over into someone else’s life. Now, you are the problem.
  • Believe it or not, you really don’t drive better with a few drinks in you.
  • If we could make one change to improve society, better parenting would be toward the top of the list.
  • There probably are teenagers who can handle alcohol responsibly outside the direct supervision of an adult. We never run into them, though.
  • You are in ______________. We don’t care how they do it in ___________.
  • Yes, you very well may see the officer in court. They get paid overtime to be there, win or lose.

10 thoughts on “FAQ – Police Work

  1. New Orleans:
    "You haven't had a drink today? All day? You stand there and tell me that alcohol hasn't passed your lips? You're getting a ticket! We can't have people like you upsetting the natural rhythms of our city.

  2. Pretty women are Kryptonite to the police. They have an advantage. Liberal crones (womyn) try to exploit the advantage that attractive conservative women have naturally but it never works.

  3. And I'm not being a sexist male – the same thing applies to lesbian police officers that applies to raging heterosexual male law enforcement people.

  4. "Take note: 1) Whats MY name? 2) I'm waiting for a friend 3) These are not my pants "

    If you don't receive two of those three, at least once a day while on patrol, you are making contact with the wrong people. If you get a three-in-one, you can stat that.

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