IN HONOR OF THE DAY
* Today is “Boxing Day”. Broken down gift boxes, ribbon and wrapping paper have been turned magically into landfill. (For the most part, it’s not designated as ‘recycling’.)
* Relatives are exchanging the garish sweater that you bought for them at WalMart for cash. And they’ll find out that you bought it on sale from the rummage table for $5.00. It will be on the rummage table again next year and the drama will repeat in another family until the “unwanted sweater” is given to one with hopelessly bad taste who wears it in the mistaken notion that it makes him look cool.
NORTH KOREA EXECUTES DENNIS RODMAN
FLASH – BREAKING NEWS: Despite many claims to the contrary, Kim Jong Un and the Gangnam Style guy are not, in fact, one in the same person.
I suspect that Rodman dumped his chubby, gay lover, Kim Jong Un and it didn’t go over well (love is a battlefield). The Duffleblog had a different theory:
(Duffleblog) PYONGYANG — The government of North Korea announced today it had executed former NBA basketball star Dennis Rodman.
In an unusually strongly-worded release by North Korean standards, the reclusive state accused Rodman of being “despicable human scum” and “worse than a dog,” which is notable since dogs are generally treated better than people in North Korea.
The downfall for the flamboyant Rodman was stunning, given his friendship with Kim Jong Un, the chubby, pre-pubescent leader of North Korea. Rodman was accused of “hideous crimes such as attempting to overthrow the state by all sorts of intrigues and despicable methods with a wild ambition to grab the supreme power of our party and our state.”
Rodman reportedly beat Kim in a game of horse shortly before his execution, Duffel Blog has learned.
The human freakshow that was Rodman was accused at his trial of graft, gambling and womanizing, and his autobiography was reportedly admitted into evidence. Rodman’s confession apparently included the fact that Madonna was kind of “a dead lay.”
I really thought that this performance was by Kim Jong Un…I guess not. What a let-down.
TODAY, IS THE WORST DAY OF THE YEAR
TO HAVE A BIRTHDAY
- People claim that the present that they bought your for Christmas also applies to your birthday on the following day. They can comfortably renege with total credibility, while offering you a toothy happy birthday smile.
- If you do get a birthday present (doubtful) it will be wrapped in Christmas paper.
- Nobody wants to go out and eat the day after Christmas when they gorged on turkey, pies and other goodies. All they want to do is sleep late and watch ESPN/Hallmark channel depending on gender.
- Mao tse-tung (also called “Mousey Tongue) – Famous Chinese Dictator was born on this date making it a black date indeed for all subsequent legions of losers who were birthed on this date.
- The stores are packed with people exchanging crap that they received for Christmas for cash. There may be bargains, but you’ll fight for them if you have it in your mind to buy a present for yourself on this day. Likely the stuff you got a deal on was worn and rejected. Some inner city person (also called ninjas) shoplifted it wore it to look good on Christmas and returned it for cash in time for you to buy it.
- The Merry Christmas Spirit has been completely exhausted by December 26 and people are back to their mean, nasty selves with a vengeance. It’s Boxing Day (see above), the day for land fill and the big let-down.
BEANS – NOT FOR CONSUMPTION IN SPACE