Being an Effective Mercenary

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This Sunday Sermonette begins with a confession: 
There are times when there is a lull between this and that and I’m at the computer. There are always web graphic stories to browse. The reason that I pick that medium is that it’s graphic, they move fast and you can set them aside and pick up the plot a day, a week, or a month later by simply returning to where you left off and bouncing ahead. It’s a comic strip,  so you get it, or you don’t and you simply move on.

This ends the confession.

Schlock Mercenary is a comedic web-comic written and drawn by Howard Tayler. It follows the tribulations of a star-travelling mercenary company in a satiric, mildly dystopian 31st century space opera. The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries is a popular handbook in the Schlock Mercenary universe.

There is a lot of wisdom that ushers forth from this place that you may find useful. I will give you the first few of the 70 Maxims…

  • Pillage, then burn. (The inner city people in Baltimore get it)
  • A sergeant in motion outranks a lieutenant who doesn’t know what’s going on. An ordnance technician at a dead run outranks everybody
  • Close air support and friendly fire should be easier to tell apart. 
  • If violence wasn’t your last resort, you failed to resort to enough of it.
  • If the food is good enough the grunts will stop complaining about the incoming fire. 
  • Mockery and derision have their place. 
  • Never turn your back on an enemy.
  • Everything is air-droppable at least once. 
  • A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head. 
  • Do unto others. 
  • “Mad Science” means never stopping to ask “what’s the worst thing that could happen?” 
  • Only you can prevent friendly fire.
Yes, they are words to live by.

14 thoughts on “Being an Effective Mercenary

  1. There are times that inner city people got it backwards — but I think that they're on top of it now.

  2. And never turn your back on the enemy…learn from the claymore mine: Front Toward Enemy…because they had to print it on the mine.

  3. Know when it's time to go home. Or if not home, a nice hotel with someone named Bambi.

  4. Hey now, I USE "Mad Science"… We only occasionally ask "what's the worst thing that could happen?"

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