Who Might it Be?

DISCLAIMER: The following list of names and comments are taken verbatim from Biden’s list and do not reflect the views of The Babylon Bee.

Queen Latifa:  She’s black, female, and sassy! That’s a win-win-win scenario.

Michelle Obama:  Barack will kill me if I don’t nominate her.

Rachel Dolezal: A woman who is also black.

Whoopi Goldberg: She was a nun. That’ll help me look Catholic! Actually– maybe we can just replace the whole court with The View. They all self-identify both as black and as female. Gotta’ ask Dr. Jill.

Aunt Jemima:  I can’t believe they fired that poor woman. The Pearl Mining Company just wants to keep her in chains!

Mrs. Butterworth: She’s probably black. I can’t tell.

Peter Dinklage:  He could use a boost.

Xi Jinping:  We already have a good working relationship.

Greta Thunberg: Our court would be well served by this infallible child of light. She’s black, right?

Hunter Biden:  He should fit right in. This may be the easiest nominee to push through. Gotta’ tell Jill.

Donald Trump:  The only way to keep him from running for President.

Vladimir Putin:  The only way to keep him from invading Ukraine.

Kamala Harris:  The only way to keep her from killing me. Plus, she’s black! (Editor’s Note: The word ‘black’ was circled three times)

Noticeably absent from the list is former Obama appointee, Merrick Garland. Sources confirm he doesn’t tick any intersectional boxes which makes him a major liability.


Identify both Tanks (in German livery)


  1. If Merrick Garland was to have a tuck and roll job, a pair of bolt-ons, got a Sideshow Bob hairdo, and talked like Hillary when she’s south of the Mason Dixon – he could be a contender.

  2. Apparently being qualified for any job has nothing to do with getting hired, God help us if any of those clowns gets placed. The SCOTUS has become politically stoopidfied and weakened by activist jurists who don’t read the document they are tasked with upholding. But being a female black is the most important resume’ qualifier?

  3. One guy made a tongue-in-check recommendation for a fluidsexual furry, or something like that.
    Trouble with that is…it might give them ideas.

  4. It’s been a long time since “most qualified” was a prime consideration. If that was the case we would have had Justice Bork.

  5. Good for The Babylon Bee, but to be serious, it’s not about being Black or trans or whatever.
    Intersectionality is a shorthand for victimhood [1]. You don’t need to be a one-legged Black transwoman suffering from the heartbreak of psoriasis to be high on the victimhood list. Look at Merrick Garland’s Wikipedia entry:

    […] the [Garland] family name having been changed from Garfinkel several generations prior. His grandparents left the Pale of Settlement within the Russian Empire in the early twentieth century, fleeing antisemitic pogroms and seeking a better life for their children in the United States.

    If you think those aren’t victimhood bona fides then you don’t know your victimhood. Never mind that Lincolnwood, IL where Garland grew up is (as of 2000 census) 98.4% white or Asian and only 1.1% Black, with a median family income over $128,000 USD (in 2008). Forget that Garland himself attended Harvard College and then Harvard Law School. An ignorant person might think that that is a background of privilege afforded to literally less than 1% of the US. But that person would be wrong: Garland is a third-generation survivor of anti-Semitic pogroms in Russia, and that trumps (you’ll pardon the word) growing up in a rich town and attending schools which guarantee you success. Nope, Garland is a victim. Them’s the rules. I’m not necessarily saying that I agree, but them’s the rules.

    [1] Intersectionality in a nutshell (“nut”): women are disadvantaged relative to men; Blacks are disadvantaged relative to whites; lesbians are disadvantaged relative to cis-het women. But the “disadvantagement” of a Black lesbian woman (not redudant, did you assume the sex of lesbianism? shame on you) is more than the sum of being a woman, a Black, and a lesbian. The intersection of all those factors is powerfully disadvantaging indeed.

  6. Left: M47 PATTON, in the official nomenclature “M47 Medium Tank – 90 mm Gun”.
    Right: “Nullserie” (Prototyp 1A), aka known as the “Standardpanzer”, of the LEOPARD I.
    Background: a squadron of H-34G (Sikorsky S-58).

    This picture must have been taken some time in late 1963 (or even at a later date) because at this date the LEOPARD I was presented for the first time to public view during the ‘autumn maneuvres’ at the Panzertruppenschule (armor training school) in MUNSTER in the LÜNEBURGER HEIDE.

    Thank you for this challenge. It evoked quite nostalgic feelings.

    • Beat me to it while I was typing a rant!

      You almost never see M-47 pics with the early turret.


        • Sir,
          of course you were right and I was wrong: upon close inspection the left tank is a M-41 WALKER BULLDOG, indeed. The Bundeswehr in its early years used the M-41 as the mainstay of its armored reconnaissance battalions; in the ‘heavy sections’ thereof.
          This is proof that I need to wear glasses from now on.
          Ashes on my head.
          My apologies.

  7. I finally found a one word definition for “Intersectionality” that I can understand:
    Yeah! I know. But the OED definition didin’t make much more sense either.

  8. funny that joe filibustered a black female scotus candidate in 2004. or was it 2003, either way…i’m told he won’t submit kamelface b/c they need her to break a tie in the senate.

  9. This is very confusing. I want to vote for Aunt Jemima, but she has no face. Then again, does Breyer? And this is weird. Breyer’s an ice cream brand, famously, and Aunt Jemima makes syrup. Coincidence?

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