Where is the Nigerian Prince?

Offer

Actor Eddie Murphy, not an actual African Prince

I received a pitch second hand from a friend who received it from a guy who got it from a guy who presented him with an opportunity.

There is a large sum of money and all one need to do unlock it is to place a large advance fee in the hands of this guy from Africa. Gold, diamonds and cash could be mine. I asked where the Nigerian prince was. These schemes just don’t seem right without a Nigerian prince to sell them. Often there is a photo copy of the prince’s passport This didn’t conform with the platinum standard of scams (a fool and his money are soon parted).  Show me the prince!

There were wire instructions and everything including letters of authenticity complete with elaborate seals (both wax and impressed), grommets and ribbons running through them. You have to hand it to them, the documents were pretty and that’s precisely what you’d be paying for.

 

Counter Offer

I replied that a $2 million investment would net 10% of the treasure of Muammar Muhammad Abu Minyar al-Gaddafi ( c. 1942 – 20 October 2011). Everyone knows that it’s in a giant vault in Sierra Leone. The expedition to liberate the loot – counted in the tens of billions – needs one more investor, but you have to act fast.

How fast? (I hear you ask) Get to the bank NOW and let’s get that bank wire in the ether so that somebody doesn’t beat you out to buy the last share. (How am I doing WSF – I’m not an expert at this?)

Your tailor made ninja suit will be coming in the mail. You may not be required to breech the door, but you want to be one of the first to gaze on your loot there in Sierra Leone.

What’s cooler, buried treasure or a Nigerian prince?

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15 COMMENTS

  1. Gaddafi’s hoard? Pshah! Chicken feed. The real prize is Bin Laden’s BitCoin accounts. Only problem is that he’s the only person who knows the passwords. No, he’s NOT crab shit at the bottom of the sea. His head was cryogenically preserved and rests in a subterranean vault in Lausanne, Switzerland.

    For 5 million Swiss Francs up front (and another 15 million in escrow with payout contingent on recruiting the appropriate consultants) I will create a medical institute drawing on the talents at University of Lausanne Medical School and the Eidgenössische Technische Hochschule Zürich to safely thaw Bin Laden’s brain and extract the critical information. We will share the proceeds 50/50 after that.

    I would submit that a cryogenically preserved head is (by definition) cooler than a Nigerian prince or Gaddafi’s stash.

        • Ok WWW, I have a $100 million dollar letter of credit from the Bank of Sark, and with it I’ll buy Bin Laden’s head and Raven’s Secrets of the Ancients. Maybe I can Buy Walt Disney’s head too. It’s supposedly frozen, in a vault under the Matterhorn (the ride, not the actual mountain) in the Magic Kingdom.

          What then? World peace? Nah, maybe I’ll spend the remaining $20 million having a star named after me.

      • It would be interesting to have Bin Laden’s head in a jar, talking. Same with Disney. It reminds me of the feature film, “Mars Attacks”. The Martians pulled it off quite nicely.

        • One of my all time favorite films. The level of snark is amazing.

          “We come in Peace” Ohh…Ahhhh, says the enlightened crowd of humans, releasing a white dove the aliens promptly ray-gun into ash.! Almost spit my beer out laughing.

          • Slim Whitman (“When I’m calling you”) has the same effect on me (nearly) as it did on the Martians.

  3. Pikers. The Secrets of the Ancients can be yours, and you waste time on tawdry ornaments?
    Send your money (doubloons or pieces of eight please, no paper) to secrets of the ancients.con and receive direct connection to the Secret World of Knowledge.
    ( do not be deceived by the request for money, this is only to cover operating costs so we can continue to offer enlightenment to deserving others, so they may receive The Secrets.)

    • Are you peddling a correspondence course, Raven?

      What about the joys of having my own chinchilla ranch?

  4. I actually received one of those offers through snail mail in about 1994. Really. How did I end up on that mailing list back in the days before culling addresses was easy. I must have been marked as a total dumb ass—which is true—but how did they know.

    I’ll add that I somehow saw straight through it.

    • You could have bought the Grand Canyon or Grand Cayman, or Switzerland if you’d taken them up on the offer to mortgage all you own to save the Nigerian Prince, and realized the fortune. All I can say is that you missed out.

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