A Dispatch from Hell

Unlike CNN, we don’t make the news at Virtual Mirage, we just report it.

(Babylon Bee) HELL—In a bid to increase torture in the afterlife, managers of Hell confirmed today that Kamala Harris’s grating cackle will be played over the loudspeakers in the place of perpetual torment for all eternity.

“Effective immediately, we are no longer playing Limp Bizkit 24/7,” said one spokesperson. “We are switching to the Kamala cackle. Studies have shown this is the most effective way to punish people for their sins.”

People in hell quickly filed a lawsuit claiming this form of torture is “cruel and unusual,” even for people who offended a holy God. The only judge who hears such cases, though, is God, so their appeal was denied.

“NOOOO!!!” they screamed in unison as Harris’s cackle began to play. “PLEASE! WE’LL DO ANYTHING! MAKE IT STOP! BRING BACK THE SCORPION BADGERS!”

Millions still living on Earth immediately converted to Christ in a desperate attempt to avoid the torture, including Joe Biden.

 

Mask-It-Or-DIE!   (“Prepare for a Long, Dark, Winter”)

(link) STORY AT-A-GLANCE  still…more here

-A U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report revealed that, of the symptomatic adults with COVID-19, 70.6% always wore a mask and still got sick, compared to 7.8% for those who rarely or never wore a mask

-Dr. Jim Meehan, an ophthalmologist, conducted an evidence-based scientific analysis on masks, which shows that not only should healthy people not be wearing masks, but they could be harmed as a result

-A working paper from the National Bureau of Economic Research found that nonpharmaceutical interventions, such as lockdowns, quarantines and mask mandates, have not significantly affected overall virus transmission rates

-Children forced to wear masks for long periods could experience mental and psychological repercussions, and at least 17 physical risks are also posed by wearing masks

-With the lack of solid evidence to support mask use among the general population, it appears as though mask mandates are being used as political and psychological tools rather than one aimed at protecting public health

 

A Rise in Plague Cases

 

A Public Service Announcement from Virtual Mirage

 

Back to the News

 

New PC standards for 2020

19 COMMENTS

    • The devil apparently selected Kamala if the article cited is correct. Hillary, a has been Satan worshiper apparently let The Big Guy down…

  1. We NEED more cases. That is how we get to herd immunity. Spread it quick, among those least likely to be injured by the virus. (anyone under 60) Most won’t even show a symptom. All slowing it down does is is leave time for it to work it’s way into the vulnerable population of elderly.

    There will probably be bacterial pneumonia infections – I don’t think any of these idiots has ever worn a mask when it is cold out -your breath condenses inside the mask- what a place for a bacteria stew.

  2. Kamela, kamamalo or how ever you spell it or pronounce it, she is just not an attractive woman. It may be the evil that resides in her or her personality. I agree on the cackle that come out of that woman, it would irritate me to wit’s end. I would have to do a Three S’es on her if I was married or in close proximity. I pray she and the dimwitted sloe Joe doesn’t even come close to having 5 or 6 Electoral College votes in the whole election.

  3. “70.6% of symptomatic adults always wore a mask, 7.8% (who didn’t get sick) rarely or never wore wear them.”

    I wonder if they corrected for the fact that people in high-risk environments/lifestyles probably wore masks, while people at low risk (like me) don’t.

    • There isn’t any data correction in propaganda, you’re thinking of that thing we used to do called “science”. It’s as dead as history.

      CDC became little more than a bureaucratic empire decades ago.
      -Kle.

  4. Never thought I would ever see a worse female choice for President than Shillary until Kamala came along. Slo Joe will be lucky to make it to inauguration. Please, come November 4th, I want to be grinning.

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