Modern Life

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We’re all Indians Now

Some of you will recall that I had a family legend that circulated my entire life, suggesting that I had relatives who were part Creek. In fact, if you believed the legend, I was 1/8 Creek. I swallowed the lie because it was convincingly delivered. 
I found genetic comfort in the fact that I like both knives AND tomahawks.
With modern family search/ancestry/DNA resources available, I found that the story was a complete fabrication. Those ancestors who were said to be Indian were white as were their ancestors and there were documents (original images on-line) to prove it, going back to the 1600’s. In those days, a declaration of race accompanied birth and christening documents because right-to-inherit, own land, vote, etc. was tied to that issue in whole or in part. 
My mother had framed photos of my Indian ancestors on her walls. Total bilge water. Her brother, my uncle, had his whole self image wrapped around his ancestry, and now, into his early 80’s, it’s been stripped away by modern technology.
BUT WAIT, there’s hope. Senator Elizabeth Warren is claiming that .9% Native American DNA makes her an Indian. It could have been Aztec or some sort of South American rather than Cherokee, but she proclaimed herself a squaw. Maybe my mother and uncle are Indians when you apply that standard!
The next question is where I need to go to get a piece of the profit from the casinos and oil wells. And don’t I qualify for some sort of allotment due to my minority status? The government owes me hundreds of pounds of free cheese that I never claimed.
Hungary Takes a Stand

Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orban, signed a decree, which went into effect last Saturday, removing gender studies from a list of approved master’s programs.

“The Hungarian government is of the clear view that people are born either men or women,” Orban’s chief of staff said in August. “They lead their lives the way they think best, but beyond this, the Hungarian state does not wish to spend public funds on education in this area.”

Apparently he did not take into account that there are 32 possible gender identification options (the rules for determining what “you” are remain fungible on a daily basis), many of which are recognized through Europe and the US. Imagine the thought that people are born as men or women? 

28 thoughts on “Modern Life

  1. Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Wounded Knee) should still throw her mocassins into the ring for the Dem nod in 2020. 0.9% Cherokee blood is good enough for me, I say let heap big bygones be heap big bygones.

    I would think she may get 10 electoral votes. Maybe more. Maybe less.

  2. Fauxcahontas is living by the "one drop rule" that was famous in apartheid South Africa. If you had one drop of black blood, you were black.

    Orban has made moves in Hungary that sound good to me. Add credit for not accepting the hordes of refugees, er, hordes of young men of military age and another credit for putting out an arrest warrant for George Soros.

  3. My DNA states that my ancestors were English, Welsh, Scot, Irish, French, and German. You know, the colonizers. No Cherokees, Eskimos, or Zulus in the mix so I guess I'll have to depend on my white privilege to get ahead.

  4. Jim: there are jars of mayonnaise out there that are not as white as I am, and I am still waiting for those perks of MY white privilege to show themselves.

    Nobody ever gave me squat, other than a hard time lately, for being white.

  5. I didn't know you were part indian, LL. It makes for an interesting mix with the pirate side. Claim the privilege!

  6. I'm sure that the loonies in Massachusetts would turn out big for heap big squaw. After all, she sat in the "Native American professorial chair" at Harvard. Who can't think of that as something incredibly special?

  7. You white patriarchs, rolling in gold, land and purloined wares, obtained by oppressing everyone are why Poke-a-haunt-us is running for office. You all need to be crushed and despoiled.

  8. Are you kidding me, Fredd. If you hadn't been born part of the white, ruling class, you'd be out picking cotton. Your offensive male-ness disturbs the progressive movement. That could be fixed if you had your sack cut, shaved your legs and started walking like a duck.

  9. No heap big Indian blood here. Bruttii and Greek (Calbria) more likely. The German side? No idea and don't care.

  10. Sadly, I'm not part Indian, and my pirate ancestors preferred white women over other potential options. The viking and Swiss side of my ancestors also preferred their own shade. Clearly their choices have landed me in the lap of luxury as part of the privileged elites. As with you, LSP, I dine on T-bones and lobster very day that are delivered to me free of charge simply because I'm white.

  11. And do YOU feel the shame, Adrienne? You know that you can fro your hair, get a spray-on tan and become a professor of black studies up there at the college in North Idaho. It would be a way to purge yourself of whiteness. It's not like you'd be the first person to do it.

  12. I wish I could get lobster and t-bone delivered to me because I'm white. I must have missed something somewhere…

  13. Yeah, I guess even bat shit crazy Walter Mondale carried Minnesota, so we'll cede Pochahontas those 11 Massachusetts electoral votes. And a few for the District of Columbia. Am I missing any?

  14. Not kidding: Part of the ruling class? I don't even rule my own dog. And forget about that sack cutting and leg shaving thing, I can't be fixed no matter what. Now as for the duck thing, I suppose I can work on that, as I am indeed an alum from the Mighty University of Oregon Fighting Ducks (who are currently ranked #12 in the AP college football poll, oooo baby!)

  15. I'm waiting as well, Fredd. In the meantime I think I'll have a glass of adult beverage, perhaps an Irish whiskey. I'd have a gin and tonic light my English forebears drank while oppressing India, but it's a bit too cool for that right now.

  16. Where do I sign up for some of this white male privilege? I'm tired of working my ass off.

  17. Well, Linda, moving to Baltimore County (or even the city itself) would greatly increase the chances that T-Bone would deliver himself not just TO your front door, but through it; only downside is that it'd be around 2AM or so. I dunno if he'd bring lobster though. A side of Deontae and Delray is the safer bet.

    You seem like a very nice person, so I'm not recommending that you move to Baltimore.

  18. LL, I am sure we are – and should be – considered enemies of liberal America.

    Mike_C, I had to chuckle when I first started reading your reply. And no, not moving to Baltimore.

    We have considered moving back to Alaska for the King Crab; but not sure we could handle that kind of cold any more; so we'll just stay in Louisiana and enjoy crawfish season.

  19. Jim: I'm Norwegian, and my ancestors oppressed everybody they could reach in their long boats. And when Vikings oppressed you, you STAYED oppressed.

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