Happy Idiot Wisdom

66 thoughts on “Happy Idiot Wisdom”

1. Most Darwin Award winners didn’t survive their exploit(s). As I remember, though, there was one who survived after accidentally shooting his nuts off.

   1. All of the Darwin Award winners died (successfully removing themselves from the gene pool). The Honorable Mention winners survived. Though shooting oneself in the nuts would technically remove you from the gene pool.

      1. If someone already has children I’d say they didn’t remove themselves from the gene pool, as they have successfully dumped their own genes into the pool.
         Unless they also removed their children in the same spectacular event that removed them. Don’t like the idea of kids dying, though.

2. 3 is USS Illusive MSO ocean minesweeper

   1. Yes!

3. Darwin Awardee; Can’t recall exactly how it all played out, but something to do with LEO investigation in Commiefornia. 1st hand account or as told to our author of 2 persons getting kinky with a snake. Not sure how to resource V.M. archives for an accurate story.
   –
   Honda vs Subaru; The bewilderment of investigator surprises me. SIL tried a newer Suby, and BIL ( career mechanic) had to ride the storm of repairs. They live on 6 miles of dirt + 10 more of gravel to reach pavement into town. My FIL did the 4 yr trade in on new Fords his whole life on the same ranch. One of our daughters went with a CRV, because of a good local shop that specializes in Hondas. Point being is that not all blondes are dumb and not all Liberated Leftists are completely lacking intelligence, just prone to be immoral, which can lead to all kinds of delusional behavior. Or is it visa versa? The demented atheist delusions lead to immoral behavior?
   –
   You’ll never guess what my naturally blonde SIL is driving now. All wheel drive, yes. Starts with an M and made in…. wait for it…. Germany. Her husband’s real name is T. Ford.
   –
   IF you can find a Subaru in Texas…it’ll be in Austin, or possibly with out of state plates near one of the bases. IF….

   1. The two lesbians with the snake was not told to me, I was the responding officer who had to deal with the snake and the lesbians, with a significant assist from Orange County (Anaheim Fire Dept) Station 66. The Engine was rolling down the street toward me, about two blocks away, code three, when I went 10-97 and heard the blood-curdling screams. Quiet spring morning, as I recall, screen door only. The solid door open, so the sound carried.

      1. Two lesbians with a snake…didn’t need that first thing stuck in my brain auto-thinking of the…err…whatevertheheck that means. Guess someone had to ‘intervene’, might as well be you LL.

         1. I didn’t do much. The python with its head inside the lesbian’s part bit down, and the other one tried to pull it out and started an arterial flow that came out, and as the snake writhed, the blood went everywhere.

            1. >started an arterial flow
               >>I didn’t do much
               Sometimes there IS nothing that you can do.
               No joking matter (obviously, since snake woman died from exsanguination).
               So back in the day we did cardiac catheterizations using femoral artery access (at the “groin” — these days it’s mostly wrist-artery access). If there was an intervention (putting a stent or several) then you used a “big diameter” 6-French catheter. “French” is a unit of length for describing the diameter of a catheter, namely 1F=1/3 mm. Anyway, after you got done and took out the arterial sheath, someone had to hold pressure (for like 10-20 minutes) until the hole (that you made) stopped bleeding. (This was if you didn’t put in a closure device, which wasn’t common back then.) So a 6F catheter has a diameter of 2mm. Most people would be surprised by how much blood comes out of a 2-mm diameter hole, in a major artery. I know I was when I “lost control of the groin” after removing the sheath on a patient I’d helped cath. It’s a veritable geyser. (I got it under control after about 2 seconds, but those were VERY long seconds of panic. Patient did fine, but BOY a lot of blood comes out of a little hole like that.)
               —
               Anecdote:
               So while you’re holding pressure, you really should not move around or try to switch off with someone else (yes, you can switch, but not a great idea if you can avoid it). A Korean colleague told me that during her training [1] she was holding the groin on an older white male patient. This is always sort of awkward because you’ve got your hand literally in someone’s crotch. So she’s standing there by the side of the gurney in the post-procedure holding area, holding this guy’s groin when they accidentally make eye contact. The patient says, “So, uh, are you Chinese?” Colleague says, “No, I’m Korean.” A bit of silence and the patient says, “Oh.” They look away. Few minutes later they make eye contact again. Probably the awkwardness is killing the patient, because he blurts out, “Um. Uh, I uh, … I really like rice.” Bwahahaha!!! Colleague told me, “I wanted to laugh, but that would have been unprofessional. And I could tell the guy regretted saying it the moment the words left his mouth. It was possibly the most awkward 15 minutes of my life.” (I wasn’t nearly the asshole I am today, but even back then I would have just laughed.)
               [1] Usually a technician or nurse holds the groin post-cath. On the principle that the cardiologist’s time is better spent doing another cath, or paperwork needed for billing or something. But when you are a fellow (trainee) you are mandated to hold X number of groins, documented for training purposes. This is almost always pencilwhipped. Unless the cath lab staff don’t like you (and you don’t have enough political pull to get away with being an ass), in which case they make sure you hold ALL the groins you’re supposed to. And then some.
               —
               I think I held fewer than 5 groins (a small fraction of the mandated number) during regular working hours. Because a) I generally got along with the techs and nurses so they would offer to hold the groin for me; b) I had the tendency to get into conversations with the patients. Basically they’re not supposed to talk, much less laugh. It was particularly bad if they started laughing, because this messed with their intraabdominal pressures which would slow the healing, or even cause new bleeding. I guess it was the old principle of “do something badly enough that they won’t ask you to do it again.”

            2. They put those sleeves on her legs to keep the blood pressure up. The snake, even cut in two, kept its grip on the displaced lady parts. The police investigation was more interesting, led by detectives not by me. The deceased had a large life insurance policy and the living lesbian was the beneficiary. It was she who inserted the snake and once it bit whatever it latched onto, attempted to dislodge it and started the blood flow.
               .
               The nice thing about medical aids such as that one was that I could step back and allow the firemen to be heroic.

4. I submitted two Darwin Awards when I was living in the city. Neither made the offical list.

   Three well known criminals broke into business and stole a safe. For some reason the driver was speeding (no pursuit) in their stolen car, lost control, hit a power pole and his two passengers were killed. The claim was rejected as the driver did not die. I thought 2 of 3 was a good start. Crash was about 200 metres from where I used to train at karate so I went past a lot. Some of their associates put flowers on the power pole for about 2 years. I mentioned to several police that a camera to see who it was would be a good idea but nothing ever happened.

   The other one again criminal stole car at knife point from lady putting her shopping away. This was the middle of the day. Crashed and died about 20 minutes later on the motorway. Can’t remember but I don’t think there was a pursuit just drugs and bad driving. Was about 2 miles from our house. Never got a reason why that one was rejected.

   I was almost one myself about 20 years ago when a ladder went out from under me and I went 16 feet onto concrete. My fault as I reached out to do one my screw instead of moving the ladder. Trip to hospital, lots of stitches etc then went back and finished the job.

   1. then went back and finished the job. You’re a machine, RCC.
      .
      I’m sorry that your entries didn’t make it. I don’t know who decides what is awarded and what isn’t. The more humor involved, the more likely it is to rise to international recognition. I had an entry that didn’t make it where a couple of married cheaters decided to hump in his Cadillac on a railroad track at a long sweeping curve in the track. It was torrential rain and the train didn’t see them until it was too late. Trains take a long time to stop, and this one was going about 50 when it hit them. The speculation was that they were so involved in what they were doing that they didn’t hear the lights or the train horn alert. It was an unguarded crossing so no red lights and an arm that came down. Cynics at the scene said that they may have been “loud” in their coupling. But nobody really knows.
      .
      There was another one that received the award, in which some morons got a hold of a JATO pack (Jet-assisted takeoff – used by a C-130). They strapped it onto their pick-up and did a Wile-E-Coyote at 200 mph. I ought to look that one up.

   2. Don’t feel too bad, RCC. One screw too many has done in many a fine man afore ye.
      .
      Technically may not qualify but I think worthy of an honorable mention. Then again, when you poke the bear enough, eventually you gonna get bit, so maybe it should qualify after all. When I was living back in Arkansas, a local feller expired at the hands of his lady friend. He was of the habit of getting liquored up and whuppin’ on her when he got home until one night while thusly engaged the gal decided enough was enough. She put six into him with a 44 Magnum, knocked out the empties, reloaded the gun and put six more in as well. The county sheriff was quoted as saying that was the deadest human being he’d seen in his many years of law enforcement.

      1. WWW

         Yes, I’m sure everyone has or knows someone who has got into trouble that way. In this case it was 25 mm (1”) concrete version and a smooth wall with nothing to tie a ladder to. Of course I was also breaking basic safety by working at heights alone. Have also been alone 350 feet up, a huge NO nowadays.

         ~
         LL
         Farm upbringing. You taped up or ignored cuts and kept working. Frequently we would have been 30 minutes to an hour from the nearest phone then another hour to a hospital. Probably not the best idea but how it was done in the 60’s and 70’s and even today occasionally.

         –

         Older uncle (74) of a brother in law last year had motorcycle fall on him while trying to open a gate. 10 miles to house. 30 miles dirt road to paved road then 40 more to small town in land cruiser (450 people). Ambulance 120 miles to hospital. X-ray showed broken vertebrae in neck. 500 miles by aerial ambulance then surgery etc. Back on the farm in three months. Any jolt on the way could have been fatal. But initially no one thought it was that bad or they could have called the Flying Doctor Service.

         1. Duct tape is your friend, black tape in a pinch, bailing wire when all else fails, combination of all three is even better.
            –
            Working on Hovel #1 moons ago, custom log staircase railing requiring compound curved cuts on the bandsaw for each baluster. Unbeknownst to me the lower saw cover swings open (loose latch), reach under to adjust the table…right into the blade with four fingers (all there thankfully). Wrap them in the cruddy t-shirt, walk back to the house, bleeding like a stuck pig, and tell DrMrsPaulM I cut myself and she needs to sew me up. She says we need to go to the ER (an hour away). Tell her not happening, the house won’t wait and that will take all day (for the obvious reasons why people sit in ER’s for hours before getting treatment). My ‘normally fearless’ veterinary wife starts kinda going pale on me because…it’s me hurt and not a cut horse or dog or cat (ahh, true love). Fine…I get it….go out to the vet truck for the supplies, suture kit, lidocaine, etc…and tell her to sew me up and bandage the fingers so I can still work. She manages to get through it in fifteen minutes despite only having 2-0 on hand after using up the smaller suture on a bunch of barn cat spays the prior week. Turned out to be a perfect job, can’t hardly tell 24 years later. (Yes, fixed the bandsaw door latch…dang thing caused me to lose an hour working in the house.)

            1. Paul M, I get the reaction of your better half. My daughter is a Nurse Practitioner and a former ER nurse. She can handle all that goes with her profession. But when it comes to her sons who are 12 and 14 now, she looses it. She is better with the husband who is a Paramedic.

            2. It’s amazing that any boy lives to maturity. Farm boys are worse. “Look at that tree, it must be 100 feet tall. I’ll race you to the top, PAULM.” If you’re hesitant, the ultimate challenge/insult is hurled. “PaulM climbs like a girl.” So up you both go.

            3. Heh. More true than I’ll admit (okay, I admit it).
               Trees and tree forts were fun, until somebody fell out and got put back a grade due to broken arms. (True story…not me, for once.) But yeah, egging each other on was a necessary rule in our day, same with jumping our Schwinn bikes.

            4. Read somewhere about a guy having emergency knitting done by a veterinarian. He remarked about what a good and gentle job the vet did. They vet replied that those skills were very important…because vet patients bite.

5. 1 – Avro Lincolns
   2 – Nord 1405 Gerfaut II
   3 – USS Illusive in the foreground – USS Conquest in the background

   1. Well done!!

6. did grandma have a stroke?

7. Thanks for Mr. Clay’s excellent poetry (although technically, it’s a limerick). He was always one of my favorites.

8. Identify the Aircraft:
   1. Avro Lincoln
   2. Nord Gerfaut
   Identify the Ship:
   3. USS Illusive

   1. Nailed them.

9. I love the “not quite right” quip!
   I used to call Canada that place – where everything worked 75%.
   Then the winter Olympics were held in Vancouver. At the opening ceremonies, four large pillars were to ascend out of the floor to meet several meters off the ground.
   Sure enough, only 3 of the 4 came up!
   I went on a fly-in fishing trip that year and sure enough, everything at the cabin almost worked. The water heater (on porch) worked unless the wind was out of the East.
   Oh Canada. Before you were stupid, you were amusing!

   1. I was in Shenzhen (near Hong Kong) many years ago, and there was a Home Depot knock-off, including the theme colors. I walked through . In the Kitchen department, they had cabinets, and none of the cupboard doors closed together properly. I commented, and the Chinese salesperson advised me, “It’s good enough.”
      .
      It’s good enough is never good enough.

      1. Temu Depot.

10. Darwin Awards, with todays entries in comments: Has always been my impression that Darwin awards were mainly for males, and mostly SYM’s (Stupid Young Males) at that, often associated with the suthun’ variety types using the prior stated “Hey, watch this!” before ending up hung off a chainlink fence by their underwear and privates, or mashed by a 4wheeler after a showoff attempt to jump the house. Guess gals these days – having been desperate to ‘be like the boys’ despite not equipped as such – are no longer immune to self-harm stupidity…like Ms. Good, who should have been home in Colorado tending to her children from prior marriages, not taunting ICE agents out doing their jobs clearing out foreign rabble with her ‘wife’ (telltale sign #1). Maybe the ‘paid activism’ gig is pretty good money, certainly has to be considering how many it attracts into the fold to do galactically stupid things for some vacuous nonsense pushed by social media and the subversive elites.
    – So there we have it, gals are now like SYM’s…maybe worse when it comes to Darwin.
    Ps. The ‘they’ (we know who they are) are desperate to make Ms. Good a martyr in the vein of ‘Georgette Floyd’…not working this time. Driving back with new-ish tractor in tow listening to The Five (yeah, self flogging)…Tarlov did not disappoint. Oy vey can that woman twist facts to be anything, especially the opposite of reality and common sense (Gutfeld was restrained as she spouted her bravo sierra). She shoulda been an accountant, as in “1+1 equals anything you want it to be.”
    Pss. The CRV is the alternative leftist vehicle…Subaru’s stick out too much during activist anarchy marching order collection points, like Starbucks or Whole Foods parking lots.
    ***
    Opening Pic: DO NOT break into some older lady’s home with ill intent, she might be up sitting in her chair waiting, especially since – for some reason – older people tend to not need as much sleep and might be awake waiting for your sorry rear-end because Madge down the block warned her friends you were in the neighborhood.

    1. By the way, Portandian’s (Portander’s? Portly-Anders?…no matter, ‘purple hair adherents’ covers it) were not giving up so easily and would not be outdone by the morons in Minneapolis, they tried to take back the coveted Stupid Anarchist Award trophy from Ms. Good and her demented pals and ‘found out’ what happens when you try to harm others doing their lawful jobs. (Anarchist Pro Tip: Do not try to run over law enforcement, you might end up on the Darwin Award latest top ten list.)

    2. These woman are not being fulfilled.
       Not by their marriages, their children or their lesbian lovers.
       Being a brave warrior princess seeks to fill that need for self image.
       Ooops.

       1. They need The Lord to fill the emptiness. Simple solution.

          1. 👍

11. my favorite d.a. was a couple of homies riding in a car making a rap video complete with glock. homie 1 stopped the action and admonished homie 2 about the gunplay. homie2 said “relax its not loaded” BLAM! blew his buddies head off. the look on his face was priceless.

    1. True story. Two at-risk inner-city youth in Southern California decided to do a drive-by shooting in a rival neighborhood. Cleotis (target) sold 8-balls on a corner. As they approached him, the passenger swung the sawed-off shotgun to discharge through the driver’s window. He judged the timing accurately, fired, and decapitated LeRoy, the driver. LeRoy went to the morgue, and Simba did life for murder, called a Twofer in the industry.

       1. lol!

12. Brack-hawk – Took a second to realize that wasn’t a updated Black Hawk with 5 blades on the rotor – I look at the pictures first and read later. I did not realize that they had copied the S-70 so closely.

    Lockheed YF-12 – A YF-12 launched a AIM-47 missile from a height of 74,000 feet at a speed of Mach 3.2 and hit a flying B-47 target drone – the only surviving YF-12 is on display at the USAF Museum in Dayton

    1. From what I’ve heard, the Brack-hawks have a lot of mechanical issues because of inferior strength materials used. They look good until they take to the air. Not unlike using bamboo instead of rebar and hoping for the same result.

       1. I’ve gotten to work with many engineers in the aviation and missile industries through the years. Anything meant to go aloft has a mini-max design. Minimum weight, maximum strength. It’s a fine line. When crossed, bad things happen.
          Adding uprated-engine torque or more-blade drag to a S-70 gearbox is a challenge and redesign of a multitude of parts and systems. Now, start with the mindset of “just good enough” and you get how our teams were able to get in and out of Venezuela so easily. May look good on paper but if you can’t test in real world under adverse conditions, you may become a Darwin winner.

          1. The Chinese always go with, “it’s good enough.”

             1. ‘Good enough for government work’ was what we said when the job only needed marginal effort and outcome.

13. For those who have not yet seen this, the late Brian Shul, sled driver.
    —
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wigZsFypdyI

    1. If any of you have not heard of Brian Shul look up ALL of his videotaped speeches and watch them. Entertaining, educational and spiritually uplifting. He survived a T-28 crash in Vietnam and was burned so badly the medical staff did not think he would survive. When he did they told him he would never fly again. He ended up flying the most advanced plane they had. A truly amazing individual.

       1. Was trying to comment here and ended up #14. I’ll try harder…

14. “I don’t care if your leg is in a cast, the cows need milked”, says the sympathetic father.
    ———
    Header picture. Looks like one of my lady friends.
    ———
    Get into a pissing contest with a cop, who will win?

    1. I was thinking of the coven…

       1. Not far off the mark. One lady goes shooting with me.

          1. Oh, they call it firing a shot now. The French at the Bordells Militarie de Campaign called it tirer un coup de feu, so I guess things haven’t changed. In Colorado they used to call it a game of billiards.

    2. Mom would look at some semi-mortal wound, dump some peroxide on it then a Bandaid (when they actually worked and took three weeks to wear off in the tub, unless you wanted to lose two layers of skin and pulled it off yourself)…then say, “Okay, all good, just a scratch a long way from your heart…the garage needs cleaning and it has to be done by suppertime.”

       1. The cloth Band-Aids still mostly work like old-school Band-Aids. And the glue they use is less reactive to people allergic to adhesives.

          1. And I’ll vouch for the cloth ones being good for at least one garage session!

15. Reference Chinese Home Depots: Shanghai had one next to the hotel we stayed at. One enterprising individual was renovating his home bathroom and after careful measurements proceeded to purchase the parts needed to accomplish that task. He was quite careful about checking the material, fittings and such each time he visited Shanghai and after a bit, he had a fantastic bathroom at a significantly lower cost than purchasing materials in Anchorage.
    Those stores had some really interesting equipment and beautiful tiles that would rival Italian tiles.

    *****
    Reference ID Planes: The French can build the most beautiful planes, even the ones that are testbeds. The Brits just lack the pleasing look for most of their planes.

    1. Much of the Chinese art and textiles are magnificent – and I mean that. True genius art. Shanghai is a beautiful city, though some of the architecture was of Western design.

16. I read where the Delta guys whacked a bunch of Cubans who were Maduros guards ,why would he have Cubans guarding him ?

    1. He didn’t trust Venezuelans to do the job. The Cubans were interior ministry troops, who had been trained primarily by the Russians and were elite by Cuban standards. Sometimes mercenaries are a better choice if you’re unpopular at home.

       1. The Dems/were apoplectic over Cuban “security” being on the losing end…almost as if they are against our military doing military things to rid the world of bad actors. Nah, that couldn’t be it, maybe they are just misinformed…or somthing.

          1. They view communists as their brother/sister Marxists and the military and law enforcement as their natural enemies – which in a real sense they are. The military and police take oaths to support and defend the Constitution against all enemies both foreign and domestic – which tends to include many Dems.

17. Hearing about agent McCracken reminded me of attempting to prank any new night-shift switchboard operators at the hospital (and like ER nurses, operators always started on nights.) There were numerous physicians in need of paging: Dr. Ben Dover, his spouse Dr. Eileen Dover, Dr. Rass, Dr. Ophelia Rass, right up there with Dr. McCracken. And not to forget Dr Totag. Good times were had.

    1. Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard.

       1. Nuuk Nuuk nuuk

       2. Ohhhh….They Got Me!

18. H/T RHT; Got home from work and watched 70 inspiring minutes. Shul and his photos live on!

19. Regarding the whack-job lesbian and her partner, I have no copulations to give over it.
    –
    First, (almost typed ‘fist’ which is a whole different context when involving lesbos) the two traveled to the location. That means they went with intent to disrupt.
    –
    Second, the scrunt partner popped out and was actively directing the driver and videoing it. Again, intent.
    –
    Third, the dead scrunt went there to be either a heroine to the movement or to be a martyr to the movement. Either way she was purposely setting up a situation where either ICE backed down and making her a ‘heroine’ or shooting her and making her a martyr. Congratulations, she got what she wanted.
    –
    Fourth, the scrunt partner? She should be charged with Capital Murder as she was directing the scrunt driver in what the scrunt driver was doing, directly contributing to the scrunt driver’s death. In a sane state, like Florida, scrunt partner would be facing Life Without or Ride the Lightning.
    –
    Having seen a police bodycam of an officer-involved shooting of a driver trying to kill said officer, I have, from watching all the videos available, determined it was a good shoot and the officer should be given desk duty or a less strenuous duty away from the stress of the street for a while. For his own mental good. (the aforementioned video I watched from the local pd? The driver was a notable person’s kid, high on, well the tox screen came back “YES!!!!” on just about everything from cocaine to LSD to xanax to pot to, well, name a drug and it was in his system. Yes, the dead driver was a UF student, but he was on suspension for bad grades and drugs… And the fucking city tossed the officer under the bus and tried to hammer him in court, rather than supporting him on what was obviously a good shoot. Said officer mag-dumped his gun and the response by both the public (spurred on by the media) and the city government was, “Why’d he shoot so many times? That’s overkill.”) (Needless to say, he left Florida and got a job somewhere else and was a model officer at that force, just like he was a model officer. Fucking leftist Gainesville.)

    1. And Massad Ayoub himself was on the officer’s defense team.

20. “an extremist lesbian was driving around in a Honda Pilot instead of a Subaru Outback,”

    Exactly, and I’m a little surprised you found that portrait of my Great Grandmother. She wasn’t gun shy, that’s for sure.

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